I miss the excitement I used to have at the prospect of migrating from one place to another to start a totally new journey on my own. I honestly like how scary it is to think about how my life gets disheveled whenever I move, but also how comforting it is to know that I made it and have temporarily settled to a new place.
I’ve always been fearful of continual settlement. We’re under a full curfew for a couple more weeks here in Kuwait and I cannot wait until I can move on to the next phase of my life.
As I’ve written in my previous journals, there’s an unbearable likeness to all my days here and I desperately need to get out of this bubble. I’ve fallen into a terrible routine.
What will I do next? Where will I go?
Unfortunately, I feel like I need to achieve at least a semblance of financial independence before I embark on the next journey. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to achieve that here in Kuwait.
It’s hard to get any work done when I’m in my uncomfortable apartment every day, all day long.
It’s mentally strenuous. My mind gets cloudy if not exposed to constant change.
The ugly truth is that I’m running out of time. We all are. We don’t have as much time in this world as we think we do. On the contrary, our time’s very limited.
We’re also not entitled to anything. You can’t just sit around and expect magical things to happen to you.
My mother always tells me:
اعقل وتوكل
Not sure what the literal translation is or what the story behind the quote is, but this is what I was made to understand it means: “do your part, then trust in God.”
I haven’t done my part, so I can’t complain that the Universe hasn’t granted me my most meaningful wants.
I’ve been lazy and complaisant. Need to habituate good behavior and do all I can, and then I can hope the Universe will come to my aid.
I’ll only migrate when I know I gave this chapter my all.