Sometimes I’m saddened by the thought of how much time I’ve ‘wasted’ these past four years.
But, then again, I think back to the time I consider my most productive: 2012-2015.
What made me so productive back then? It wasn’t like I was inventing products that would eventually change the course of humanity, or preparing for the conquest of the world, as Alexander the Great was in his early 20’s (drastically different generation, I know.)
No, I was mostly spending the time in solitude, and that’s exactly what made it so productive.
I needed to be alone- to meet myself and develop as a person. That’s what was in schedule for me, it needed to happen and was perfectly timed.
I become calculated and passionate. My God, the world just started to look different, I don’t know how else to put it.
Everything changed for the better when I met myself.
I was a ‘thinking thing,’ fully and obsessively committed to learning more about this world and myself. I learned the art of ‘zooming out.’
Those were my best years- the real college years. It’s hard to believe, but I graduated a little more than four years ago. I’ve now been out of college for longer than I was in college. It’s crazy.
And while it’s true that I learned a lot and developed as a person, there was/is still a lot more to learn. A lot. I only hope that I’ll have enough time to learn what I need to know.
Maybe I learned too much and too fast. I went too deep. Never learned the basics- jumped over them. That’s the way my mind works; there are always gaps in my learning.
I’ve spent 2016-2020 trying to fill in those gaps.
The learning experience is non-linear, and I’ve gone back to learning the basics in hopes that I’ll soon be able to propel myself ‘back’ to the advanced thoughts I developed in 2012-2015.
Does that make sense?