I know I say this a lot, but I very much wish there was a way to prevent time from distorting experiences as they become memories and fall deeper into the past.
When I took a very tough and confusing decision a couple of years ago, I had a close family friend tell me:
“Don’t regret your decision in the future. Not at all. Stick with it. It’s the right decision Zaid. Don’t let anyone make you regret it. Don’t let time make you doubt it.”
Little does this family friend know how much of an impact her words had. Whenever I’m in regretful contemplation, I remember her words.
I remember every little thing about that moment in time.
While I definitely don’t regret taking that decision, I now find myself obsessively pondering what life would’ve been like had that decision not have to be taken.
It would’ve been much better for all parties involved. Much more productive, comfortable, and ordered.
But that’s a hefty ‘what-if.’ Everything would’ve had to be different for that decision to not have to be taken; if we were to somehow change the many variables to prevent that experience, I would not even be myself- nor would the main characters in my story.
Literally everything would have had to be different. Yeah, I just can’t imagine it. It’s incomprehensible.
Due to my sadness over some of the ramifications, I now think about going back to what I was doing before taking that decision, hoping that this time around, it’ll be vastly different- for the better. This may be a very dangerous way to think.
There’s no doubt that what I experienced post-decision altered my perspective on that decision.