I do a good job at distancing most of the people I interact with on a daily basis. It’s usually natural for me to dictate right away whether or not a person would be a good fit for me (as a friend or whatever), but sometimes I have to get close to them first.
With some, there’s instant comfort and the vibes perfectly align, but with others, you go through a process of validating the merits of their friendship. You’re unsure- they’re foggy characters. It’s an uncertain mixture between a friendship of utility and one of goodness.
There are also layers to that closeness. Sometimes you really have to get close before making the decision to “bail,” as I used to put it. Some people are understandably really good at not exposing their true selves until they’re fully confident to do so (or if that truth somehow unintentionally leaks). Some are not even aware of their truths.
This is why human relationships can be so difficult- people don’t fully reveal themselves to you until the relationship reaches an elevated level of comfort; and more often than not, I find myself unsatisfied with that revelation.
I’m more cautious now. In the past, I would spend months or years developing a relationship only to find out that the person has a terribly unpleasant side to them- like learning that they’re easily influenced, or have pent up anger, or are jealous/envious of me. When people get comfortable and the stringent regulations of forming a relationship are relaxed, the truth fluidly and naturally comes out.
I’ve learned to not let it get that far. Instead, I’m more able now to decode the signs before the truth is naturally reveled.
Even though I’ve rarely been wrong to “bail” on a relationship, the truth is that I’ve also made some mistakes in judgement.